(the answer is NEVER!)
This post comes about after a few meetings this winter, which have left me extremely concerned about potential exploitation. 
I met fantastic people who have been involved in youth theatre, or who have been studying it at college, and who now want to become involved in professional theatre. 
They would meet with me, be very interested in what we are doing, and want to audition or join the stage crew - and then the next question is "how much do you charge actors and stage crew to be in a show". 
Now these are people who know already that this is a professional touring and streaming theatre company.  What they didnt know, is that you dont pay to work, in theatre - they actually believed that is a part of being in theatre and were very suprised when I said there is absolutely no fee involved. 
I am horrified, to put it mildly. 

Now, bona-fide amatuer theatre groups do usually charge fees to be involved with them. It is pretty much the same as paying membership to be part of a sports or hobby club. Nobody earns any money from being involved, and amatuer theatre  "work" or freelancing.  Similarly credits with amatuer theatre cant be accepted towards Equity or Spotlight registration, or as credits for being registered with a bona-fide acting agency. 

HOWEVER in the professional world, that is not at all how it works. Whether its an organistaion which doesnt gain any funding, and shows are paid on profitshare, splitting the ticket sales between the cast & crew which is of course then an unguaranteed amount that could be very little or a lot, depending entirely on ticket sales;, or whether it is a production with the lucky resources to be paid "properly" at or above Equity minimum rates rates, no company that is not an "amatuer dramatics" company should be charging people to be involved, and instead should be making every effort within their power to pay actors and crew - not the other way around! 
Credits (again from productions paid in whatever form) are also then accepted for Equity and Spotlight and by agents. 

With profitshare (which is where we currently are) people ask me how then we fund our shows, with costumes, props, venues, insurances, publicity and the like. The reality is that as the company founder, I spend at least 40 hours a week on a voluntary basis, fundraising (mainly via our ebay shop selling second hand bits, and stalls at local fetes/ markets,  which is our primary income for productions and core costs), delivering posters, publicising on social media, and doing as many things as I can to ensure that there are as few as possible (ideally no) deductions from the ticket sales so that the actors and crew can recieve more. 

If someone wants to jump in and help with the fundraising etc, I certainly welcome it, but that is in no way a condition of being involved, and you are not expected to pay to be involved. 

It really worries me that while some theatre training for people does indeed teach basics like this, so many people seem to want to come into the industry without this awareness. 
There are always companies which will pay on peoples desire to find a great casting, buy claiming to charge a fee to guarantee a role or representation to famous casting directors; sadly these are virtually always a scam - they will usually take your money and disappear! I would highlky reccomend reporting any such adverts or requests for "pay to play" to Equity  www.equity.org.uk who will take a very dim view of them! 

- Laura

Yesterday, Laura visited the Localmotion Torbay event in Torquay, representing The South Devon Players, along with a number of other creative organizations. LocalMotion is a social, economic and environmental justice movement of six communities across the UK ( you can find out more at https://localmotion.org.uk/torbay/ ) and in Torbay, a lot of creative organizations have become involved. As an intergenerational, neurodiverse-led theatre company specifically about creating opportunities for local people who have been unable to access opportunities elsewhere due to not being able to move away to train & work, or who have not had the financial income to afford training at other drama schools, this aligns perfectly with our focus. 

Speaking to young people (teenagers) from around the Bay it was extremely interesting to hear their views. Some had experience of trying to access training and audition opportunities, with a view to building careers. 

Key points of feedback where they have found that they experience exclusion from being able to become involved in performing arts, included

- Costs (high costs of youth theatre classes, and reports of some theatre companies charging £50 fees simply to audition for roles.)  completely excluding young people from low income families or single parent families. 
- Lack of information on auditions and things to become involved with
- Lack of empathy from theatre classes and theatre companies for neurodiverse/ disabled young people (one reported being expelled from drama school for a simple physical difficulty) 
- A lack of collaborations between different organisations, venues, spaces that would create wider and bigger opportunities
- Opportunities that do exist need to be advertised in more places (a young person suggested more posters in windows, more information to be sent to and disseminated by youth groups and organizations)
- Torbay Council needing to make more opportunities for local people - including young people - to perform at creative and cultural festivals, rather than gravitating to hiring in creatives from outside the area. 

The map below documents the main comments by the young people involved at the time.. 

It was extremely useful, as a form of self-checking, to learn both where what we do as a company aligns with challenging aspects of this feedback (we do not charge for involvement, we are led by a neurodivergent person and are very open to neurodiverse people, we make local performance opportunities wherever possible, and are always open to creative collaborations that fit with our work. 

It was similarly very useful to learn about things which we can improve on, and be clearer about, and to learn that while we are often fighting to spread the word about our work , shows, and castings, they do not reach people entirely, and the young persons suggestions as to additional places to send our information to, will be extremely useful, to add into our plans for spreading the word. 

Below is a photograph of the feedback from the young people

One of the things that we are bringing in after the pandemic, is the access rider. We don't call it that - most venues in the area, we have found, have not heard of these, so we have kept the wording simple. 

It is still considered unusual, in the grand scheme of things, for there to be disabled actors and/ or crew; and quite obviously, you cannot expect every person to know how a condition or disability may affect someone - with the results of flashing lights used by venue staff when an actor in our tour had epilepsy, or sensory things set off with no warning to the autistic cast/ crew members.  

In other parts of the UK, therefore, access riders are becoming a useful document to provide to venues ahead of the tour, which provides the venue staff with the relevant information ahead of time. 

For us, we state what role the person is, in the show (eg, actor, technician, etc); what the conditions are, how they affect someone, the other people in the production team who are able to assist them, and any other information, which might be like the location of specific medication, or if they need a quiet space, etc.  
​We have a simple Word document template now, that we fill out for each show. 

NOTE - Please check with your cast and crew that any information is supplied to venues, with their permission; in line with Data Protection laws, and that the venue is registered with GDPR in turn. 

These are not theatre - based necessarily, but may be local sources of assistance in Torbay for those experiencing hardship. Many of us are limited in what we can do due to low incomes / non-conventional housing situations, but this is what we can help with, and signpost to.  

Please let us know if any application etc, requires a reference or confirmation from us

In-house:
As always at this time actors and crew with us are most welcome to fill up extra thermoses with hot drinks at rehearsals, and charge additional devices/ power packs at rehearsals. 

Any members of the cast and crew who require assistance obtaining menstrual sanitary items, please speak to Laura (theatre company founder) for confidential assistance from the supply we keep at the rehearsal hall. 

Local Assistance:
The Household Support Fund is for residents of Torbay; The maximum award Torbay Council can provide is £50 towards food and for those applicants who are liable to pay energy costs, another £50 towards those costs (£100 in total).
The Torbay Community Helpline signposts local people to assistance with food banks around Torbay, benefits advice & applications, housing, domestic violence, etc. 
​Yes Brixham  run a free foodbank for which you do not need a referral, and a warm heated communal space where you can sit in the warm, use internet, etc. 

Wider assistance 
Equity Benevolent Fund supports members of the actors & creatives trade union who need one off help with financial hardship. 
Acting for Others - Provides financial and emotional support to theatre workers in times of need through their 14 member charities
British Association for Performing Arts Medicine  - Provides medical advice to people working and studying in the performing arts, helping you overcome work-related health problem
The Actors’ Children's Trust - Awards childcare grants and education support to help working actors cover the costs of their child’s care and education
Dance Professionals Fund - Provides financial grants to dance professionals of all ages facing illness or injury and can support everyday living costs or with crisis funding
The Grand Order of Water Rats - A fund that helps performers and their dependents who, because of old age or disability are unable to work. 
The Royal Theatrical Fund - Support for people who have worked, or work, in the theatrical profession and are in need as a result of illness, accident or old age. They provide grants, assist with shortfalls in nursing and residential homes fees, give advice about benefits and debt
The Theatrical Guild - Practical help at any stage of your career – from welfare and debt advice to financial support and counselling

These are scripts, and excerpts, that Laura Jury has written, for herself and other people with South Devon Players, to use for actors showreels or actors demo clips. Anyone coming upon these, is welcome to use these for personal showreel purposes only!  While the majority of the showreel scenes below are period pieces, We are  personally perfectly happy for them to be (where relevant and believable) transplanted to other settings. 

The only condition for the use of these is for you to crediting the source, via a link to www.southdevonplayers.com (eg in the video info on your Youtube of the clips. showreel) , or giving us a shoutout on social media (twitter and facebook are both @sdevonplayers ) with a link to your videos/ showreels including any of these scenes you use. And we would love to share your clips as well on our social media feeds. 

If you have any questions, do please email us on [email protected]./ 

Mary & Beatrice - Larkin Yachts
A whodunnit scene, set in the 20th / 21st Century, between two women, discussing the murder of an heiress, and possible suspects. 

A scene from our in-house non-musical drama of Les Miserables, adapted from the novel by Victor Hugo. 
Set in 1832, Paris, scene can be indoors in a cafe or tavern, or outside at the barricade A scene between three men, focused on one of the barricade boys, Grantaire. 

A scene between one man and one woman, from a comic (and also true life) historical adventure set in the late 1700s or early 1800s, in which a local smuggler and fisherman, alongside his wife, plan to fake the smuggler's death, to move contraband past the authorities!  Historically taking place in South Devon although that can be optional for showreel purposes. 

Fantine & Javert - Les Miserables ; The Memoirs of Jean Valjean
A scene from our in-house non-musical drama of Les Miserables, adapted from the novel by Victor Hugo, set in the early 19th Century  This is a scene between one woman and one man, from where Javert, the ruthless police inspector, arrests Fantine for prostitution. The ideal setting is a darkened street. In the wider story, Fantine has just been beaten by a rejected "client". 

A scene between two young lovers. This scene takes place (in the full story) on a hidden bench in an overgrown garden, where they keep their love secret. Cosette is about to leave Paris, her adoptive father is planning on moving the household to London, in a hurry. Marius, a law student and revolutionary who has fallen in love with Cosette, is desperate to try to find a way for them to stay together.  Setting: 1832, in a garden.

A common misconception….
This is especially common among people who are in love with the idea of “fame” and being on stage, but have never considered that acting on stage takes more than just learning a list of words and actions. 

“ All I have to do for a theatre show is to learn my lines and where I stand. “

Yes, that misconception has had me grumbled at more than once for insisting on a bit more than that.  I was physically attacked once for suggesting it. 
Certainly, without learning your lines and where you stand, you won’t be able to set foot on stage in a play, but what about bringing life to your character? What about creating a performance that the audience will enjoy with believable interesting characters? 

Here’s an imaginary dramatic scene: 

-Rose kneels on the stage, shaking with suppressed tears
-John enters, and pauses, watching her.
-John: "The same fate befell another thirty men. But Kenneth was the bravest of them all. Out of the four captains he was the only one to speak out. You should-"
- Rose: (interrupts) "how can you say that? You stood by as the Emperor had him shot in the city square with his men. You know-"
- John: (interrupts) "yes, and if I hadn’t, your son would have died too."


Now even with no more context, there’s a lot going on there. Just walking on the stage, standing in a designated area and saying the lines will lead to a flat scene with no emotion, nothing which encourages the audience to believe, or buy into, the reality of the situation that Rose and John are experiencing.

Both actors need to analyze what is happening with those lines. Rose is obviously mourning the execution of Kenneth, someone very important to her. She is distraught and also angry at John. 
John is trying to rationalize and explain his decision to not help Kenneth, in order to save someone else.

Learning to analyze a script is a critical tool for an actor. New to this? Here is a link to help: 
How to Analyze a Script 

Both characters are going to be feeling intense emotions. They are arguing, interrupting one another.
If either actor just stands(or kneels) in their spot saying the lines they have learned, parrot fashion, there will be no emotion. It will be flat, unconvincing, at best conveying a completely different meaning for the characters and at worst appearing ridiculous and false.

Only by analyzing the script and exploring how those characters feel, and developing ways to express that in tone, body language, physical and vocal dynamics, can the actors bring that to life on stage.
Only by practicing together numerous times, can the actors create the dynamic. Interrupting one another needs numerous rehearsals to time it correctly.  Reacting to the other characters emotions and expressions take time. As they work together, the interaction gets more and more nuanced, and the relationship better developed. 
Creating an emotional scene needs the actors to build a rapport and energy between them. That again only happens over time.

It is only in this way, for numerous rehearsals, that the "realism" of the characters can be created for a convincing performance. 

It is for this reason that we insist on a lot of rehearsals and excellent attendance. If one actor in a scene is not participating in this process or not turning up to rehearse, the dynamics of the whole scene are ruined - someone "reading in" is not able to create the same dynamic. 

One of the things we often see with our approach to being very open to casting people new to theatre and performing; and in turn when working on other productions, is a wide disparity of what people new to performing expect it to be like; and the pitfalls that so many people slip into. This is especially common where people have not had the opportunity for formal training. 

When you are starting out as a freelance actor (or crew member!), you have an enormous amount of competition. There are hundreds, if not thousands, of people who have more experience, more training and more credits than you. There are a lot of other things that producers and directors will look at. Are you pleasant and reliable to work with? Someone engaging in bullying, aggression  or abuse, or who is unreliable and doesn't turn up, can cost a production a fortune or even destroy a production costing thousands - or in the case of a big film or TV drama, millions. Productions will therefore often err on hiring people they know to be reliable and good to work with. 
People who have been unreliable or caused problems, will not be looked at twice. 
Sadly, that also means that people who are an "unknown" will also be frequently overlooked as a "risk". That is one of the huge glass ceilings to get through. 

What I see, are common pitfalls which people fall into, or miss. I would also like to reiterate that this covers amateur (unpaid) and professional (paid) and anything in between!

What needs to happen, is that whatever you do is treated with the same level of commitment and seriousness. I have often seen people become involved in an amateur or student production and say that "it doesn't matter" - but many other professionals may be involved in those projects (it is much better to be honing your skills and working on something, than not) and word gets around.  People talk. People notice.  And, those students or first-time filmmakers may be the ones offering paid work in a few years. 

So, for whatever productions you commit to, needs to be treated as in a professional manner. In the cases of a theatre show or film, expect that people will be paying good money to come and be entertained / educated by your work and performance. (And it is not unknown that producers and directors are in that audience and also talent scouting!) 

The first pitfall is the number of people who don't read casting or crewing briefs when looking to apply. When you see a casting call, check the location: (can you physically get there?). Check the dates for rehearsals and performance (are you available on those dates?). Check the pay/ expenses/ copy details (are you happy with those?).  Check the genre (Don't email a casting director or producer asking to be in their movie when it is a stage show) . Check any specialist skills required: (if you cant swim, don't apply for a film needing an actor who can swim, and if the role requires you to ride a horse, don't apply if you have never ridden a horse!) . 
It is very tempting to apply to "everything", but productions will look at applications to check that you have read the brief, and may ask for evidence. 

If you are really interested in working with a particular production company or casting director, and they are not advertising something suitable, send them a polite email, with a good clear photo (NOT a selfie!), and a video showing some of your recent performance work or a well-performed monologue, introducing yourself asking to be contacted if they have anything suitable in future. 

The second common pitfall is in auditions. 
Missing an audition will mean that you will be very unlikely to be looked at again. Common red flags in auditions are when someone behaves inappropriately in the auditions. (It is why I like to audition in person, it weeds out many of those issues). Over the years I have seen people try to belittle the other people in the room even attempting to belittle the casting panel members - for example demanding the lead role because you once danced in a panto chorus elsewhere, will not earn you any favours; I have seen people behave sexually inappropriately to others (verbally and physically) , and even violently manhandle people without permission. However good their acting skills, those kinds of behaviours mean that the culprit will not be considered in the casting.  A casting panel will also look at good time keeping, and pleasant demeanor, as well as at your suitability for the role. A good casting panel will also let you ask questions about the production. 


The third pitfall you see, is people missing as many rehearsals as possible - not for reasons like other work, or illness, or emergency, which are entirely fair,  but for less critical reasons "catching up on the TV" or "going to the pub". Effectively treating the production as a social club/ drop-in club instead of a place where serious work is taking place. This means that other people cannot rehearse the dynamics of character interplay with them, in cases of group choreography; nobody can learn it effectively (nor can it be "winged" at the last minute) lines and stage direction may be missed. Even if you feel you know all your lines or "you will just pick it up in a session or two", you need to remember that a dramatic show is a group effort and everyone else who may learn in a completely different way, needs to practice with you - they are relying on you to be there as much as you actually rely on them to be there.
It also destroys other people's morale when someone misses most rehearsals, and ultimately it is likely that you will be recast and removed from the production. 
If you cannot commit to rehearsals and the show, don't audition. Don't be one of the people to gain a reputation for unreliability. You will only badly affect your fledgling career before you even begin. 



So, when you are starting out (and it is always worthwhile maintaining this) what you need to do, to stand out, is establish a known name. Remember that however small the project, it is an opportunity to market yourself as a good freelancer. 

- Create yourself a professional facebook page, twitter account, and website. This is a lot less complicated than it sounds (why not use weebly's simple drag and drop interface) to build your acting website? Update with good photos showing a range of expressions, monologue videos, updates about any roles or training. 

- Network online. Follow production companies and directors/ producers in your area. Talk to other actors, casting directors, producers and theatre/ film makers. There are dozens of groups on Facebook, and good contacts on Twitter. Some creatives may be open to adding on social media, some may not, but make sure you interact. Don't just demand to be trained for free (a common type of DM I get in my inbox), but discuss, learn, and also watch other discussions and work. Also post fairly often with your news, work and questions in these groups, so that people see your name. 

- Apply for castings. Get on Mandy.com, and casting/ crewing Facebook groups to start with, to find castings to help build your portfolio. Ultimately, for UK actors, you will want to get onto Spotlight, which allows you to sign to larger casting agents, who will help you find more work. However Spotlight is exclusive, and you need evidence of paid work fitting certain criteria, in order to be able to join.

- Keep safe: As soon as you have earned £500 in theatre/ film, join Equity, the creatives trade union, which gives you insurance, advice & help if anything goes wrong, and a myriad of further networking opportunities. Equity is open to actors, directors, costumiers, stage managers, dance/ fight directors, and variety performers. 

- Always be reliable, pleasant and communicative in any work. Never " not turn up", bully or harrass or intimidate others. 

- If, like me, you have a disability (visible or non-visible) where you may face challenges with something, discuss it with the producers of the project early on, and what "reasonable accommodations" (within the ability of the project and work) can be made . For example, I am autistic with additional linked conditions, and while theatre and film is the one "thing" in life that I know very well and where I need least support, I still need to know "what to expect" in advance, have calm reminders if I miss any information or misinterpret something;  and I do panic and meltdown if I feel someone is being angry, abrupt or aggressive towards me (for real that is, I don't worry in the slightest if it is in an acting role), or if I am not fully clear on what to expect, so clear explanations, and being spoken to calmly and succinctly, with the room to ask questions, and be reminded about something, are the accommodations I usually need.   
Being open and upfront about these things removes the likelihood of misunderstandings. 


Ultimately, you need to build a reputation for reliability, professionalism, willingness to learn, and being someone who is genuinely pleasant to work with, to stand out. And remember that every time you network or perform or create work, on however large or small scale, you are advertising your skills, and people are seeing what you can do. 

This is something I have been wanting to write for a long time.
I am not even sure how to start, or the best way to construct this post, so let's just go for it.

What is autism?
Autism is a non-visible developmental disability which affects at least 1 in 100 people in the population. It is a spectrum condition which can manifest differently in different people, and affects things like communication, social interaction, cognitive processing of information & sensory experience, and how the person experiences the world.

It is something that an autistic person is born with, and it is also something that cannot be cured. 
Traditionally more boys are diagnosed with autism than girls, simply because the condition can manifest differently in males and females, although the boundary is far more blurred than anyone would have you believe.

Autism can also manifest with other conditions including ADHD (Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder ). PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance), general learning difficulties, APD (Auditory processing disorder (APD)   and many other conditions, which can all be collected under the term “neurodivergant”; a term for people whose brains do not work in the same way as most other peoples.

Because of the difficulty presented with communication, “fitting in”, and social interaction, which can often be seen by neurotypical people as being “difficult”, “strange”, "rude", "dismissive", “lazy”, and often being punished out of hand, based on those assumptions; it is very likely that autistic people will suffer from extreme anxiety, PTSD, depression, and other mental health conditions which have developed from their experience of the world and being frequently punished for their disability.

Being autistic can also have benefits. An autistic person learns to observe the neurotypical world (that is, the world of “most” people) with great care and detail, to mimic and try to “fit in” - to “mask” as it is called. What a wonderful skill for anyone working in theatre or film production as an actor! We also often have very strong focused interests, which can lead to the developing of great expertise in a certain area.

Autistic people also tend to miss subtle or ambiguous social or communicative cues. We take communication at face value, and we communicate with other people in the same way; so what you see is what you get, with no subtlety, or hidden/ ambiguous meanings. We often take things literally, and communicate literally. 
I would say it is a good thing because that trait promotes clarity and honesty. We can, however, be confused or overwhelmed by too much sensory input at once, and then miss things. 


My experience
I am, as you have guessed, autistic, and according to my diagnosis, which I finally got as an adult, quite heavily so. I also have Auditory Processing Disorder, which I did not realize until I received my diagnosis paperwork from the psychiatrist, and evidence of PDA. I also have PTSD.


So, as a theatre director.
I discovered that while there have been enormous strides in the understanding of autism, and the provision of advice for people who work or volunteer in organizations as autistic people, and about their rights and where they can go for help; there is very little – well none that I have found – for autistic people who are in positions of leadership – like being a theatre director, or teacher, or business owner. Which when you think about it, is remarkably ableist. Why shouldn't we be able to be in positions of leadership, the same as anyone else?  I hope that sharing my experiences may help others a little. 

As already stated, autism is a “spectrum” disability, and peoples experiences may vary.

As a theatre director, you need to be able to translate a script, to the stage, with convincing and varied characters.  You need to be able to support and guide the actors and stage crew to create this show. Surely that goes against the communication and social difficulties that autism presents you with?
Not so much. Because of those difficulties, you have already learned to be an actor. You watch how people interact and behave with one another. You try to learn about what is the expected behaviour in certain formal situations to not make a mistake as life progresses. You learn how different people behave and how they appear when they exhibit certain emotions.

Of course, the vast majority of people you will be directing, are not autistic, and do not have any neurodivergant conditions. Every person is different. Trust in your actors to use aspects of themselves as they develop their characterisations, and you will find a wonderful variety of characterizations, just as exist in the real world, in a way that you would not have been able to guide if you had been too rigid, because the characterisations would be concieved by only one mind, and one that isn't always the best at social interaction at that.

You will know how you feel sat in a theatre or watching a film, and how you feel as the stories and experiences of the characters unfold. You want to bring that same power to the shows you direct. I make a point of watching dramas and imagining that I am a person there on the sidelines or in the crowd, as if it were happening for real, not as a voyeur, removed by knowing it is fictional and happening “over there”.

It takes a lot of studying, and constant revising and practice, but it is entirely possible for an autistic director to create a really powerful piece of drama – I have led productions to win national and international arts awards.

Directing, of course, isn't just telling people what to do. It is also about looking after a team of diverse, and probably largely neurotypical people, and communicating with them. You want (and need) everyone, regardless of their differences to be happy, feel safe and positive, so that they feel able to focus on creating the best performance possible. That means sometimes being there if an actor phones you with questions at supper time, listening to any problems or concerns and dealing with them positively and compassionately. It is also about communicating clearly and being able to empathize both with actors and crew, but also the mindsets and situations of characters in the show storyline of the production. 

A cast of actors who are afraid, or uncomfortable, with the director or senior production team, will be unable to create meaningful theatre. If they do not have faith in the directors leadership, the show will fail due to cast anxiety and feeling undervalued. Being an actor can be quite nerve-wracking, as you can put your rawest emotions on show to create characters. Everyone wants the show to be perfect.

My general rule is to be very hands-on; as well as directing; my first ground rule is that I never ask anyone else to do something that I would not be prepared to do myself. If I would not be comfortable to do something, I would certainly never ask someone else to do it.  Outside of directing for this theatre company, I am also a freelance actor, the same as the rest of the actors and crew of any show, so I am used that side of the creative process as well. 

The second point is I always try to be positive, constructive and understanding of everyone in the cast and crew, regardless of differences. This is hard sometimes to show, with the autism and because I err on the side of caution and being constructive and understanding of any situation, it has meant in the past, that I can struggle to be fast to deal with malicious behaviour, because my first reaction is to try to understand the person and deal with things without confrontation. I have learned the hard way to be a lot stricter than I was.

A note on communication clashes between neurotypical and autistic people: 
Of course, communication can fail. Especially when due to autism and sometimes slipping up on "masking" as "neurotypical", I have had four occasions over the years where suddenly seemingly happy people have suddenly become angry within minutes and walked out of projects, and when I have tried to ask what was wrong so that we could talk about it and rectify whatever had happened, I have been told that I “know what I did” and blocked with no further explanation.  All I had been doing at the time was keeping to agreed actions with the person, trying to help & support, or as far as I knew nothing had happened since last chatting to the person, who seemed fine. 

It was only when I came to meet other autistic adults that in discussions online in support groups, as they had identical experiences in their friendships and work lives, and they were as mystified as I was, and were asking for help trying to understand what was happening, with no idea of what had happened, that we discovered that this is a common experience among autistic people.

We don't have any full explanation, since a common part of these experiences is that we are supposed to know what we have done wrong, and are given no explanation, to understand the views of the neurotypical people on the other side of the situation. So our theorizing is that it is down to the communication issues of the disability.

Our theory is thus: 
“Most people”, that is, neurotypical people, communicate with a lot of nuances, and hidden subtleties, which an autistic person will frequently, if not usually, miss”. We autistic people, bend over backwards to be polite but we are literal and communicate without hidden meanings. Our theory, therefore, is that the problem where these interactions have gone wrong for no reason we can discern, is that we have missed some nuance, or when our communications have had some hidden nuance ascribed to them which doesn't exist. No offence or harm or malicious behaviour is intended; I, and many other autistic people would be incredibly grateful if people would simply discuss calmly what they are concerned about, and what we have missed because these incidents are incredibly upsetting and we do want to understand what happened and put it right. (hint - big note there about accessibility!) 

Auditory processing disorder, means that sometimes if there are several stimulant sounds, like several people talking at once, or someone giving a long barrage of various information, my brain will be unable to process all the information. As a recent example, I was sat with two friends in a cafe. One was telling me about something that happened in her family, with a long, complicated story. After a while, I could still hear her talking, and I was reacting as if I was listening, which I was trying very hard to do, although at that point it was an act. However all I was hearing from her was "white noise", and I was completely unable to even process the words she was saying into sentences or intelligible words. It took me about three or four minutes of trying, to be able to again hear and process the words she was saying.
My diagnosing psychiatrist said that it could look like ADHD (which I do not have) to the layperson.

Communicating in theatre
In theatre (and film), as an industry, there is a long history of abuses; that is bullying, scamming, gaslighting, and almost every actor and creative will have experienced these darker sides. Everyone is hyper-vigilant for red-flags and any warnings that something may be amiss. This means of course, that any difference in communication or how someone behaves, can also be a point of concern.

My usual approach in the past, has been not to state about my autism or other conditions, however as we return to the stage after Covid, I have decided to be a lot more open. From the start of Ben Hur, I will be open about my accessibility needs as well. Of course, when you are working with other people who have disabilities, they need to be able to tell you about any accessibility adjustment details they may need for their disabilities, and so I feel that it is only fair that I am able to do the same. I also feel that openness may help with communication and working together, and the fostering of an inclusive “safe space”.

Audition and rehearsal interaction
So, the day I dread most of any theatre production is the audition day. I don't enjoy hierarchies, or being seen to be hierarchical, so to be in charge of deciding who gets what role or not, as well as the social anxiety of meeting lots of new people, and wanting them to feel welcomed and appreciated - which they are - is absolutely terrifying! However, without casting day, we wouldn't have any shows. Having at least one other person on the casting panel, whom I know and trust, makes it enormously better. 

Being an actor going to audition can be nerve-wracking; and in our case, the director (me) is equally terrified.
Over ensuing rehearsals I get used to the new people, and soon become more confident with them, and I have worked through this often enough I know how I will feel and that it will work through. 

When I am giving notes and directions after a scene, I will usually pause for a few moments, and ask people to speak one at a time. My brain needs a few moments to process everything (even though I will have been keeping written notes) and to prepare to communicate properly back to everyone. Asking people to communicate with me, when they have a question or comment to me, one at a time, is also very helpful. Traditionally I mask it with a smile, and getting my notes together.

When someone in the cast or crew needs to give me information, like about a day that they are away from rehearsals, or there is something they need from me, it is infinitely safest to write it down for me, or even better, to get me to write it in a ledger that I keep for that purpose.

It means that if I miss information, or due to personal anxiety (PTSD from past bullying and gaslighting) I need to go back and check it, I have a record that I can check to make sure it is correct.
I will also often ask the same question of people more than once – this is not because I have not been paying attention, very much the opposite, but more because I want to be extremely careful and check that I have everything correct, and that I have not missed any details.
My brain is also often unable to process information if highly stressed, frightened or anxious – so calm, and succinct communication is the best way to talk to me when discussing something important, and making written notes, a safe backup. 

Autistic people like myself are lovers of routine, keeping to made plans, and knowing what to expect - and how to deal, ahead of time, with any unfamiliar situation involving interacting with other people. 
Not knowing what to expect in a situation, often leads to severe anxiety, panic, and even physical illness from the stress levels. 

Are you going to see me meltdown?
Autistic people are prone to meltdowns – this is when we experience what is sensory overload for us, or we are faced with a new situation that we do not know how to deal with, and are unable to cope (change of plan/ routine; unfamiliar situations etc)  They are very disconcerting for any person to witness, and absolutely horrible to experience. I, and other autistic people who experience them, are left exhausted and shaken for hours or more usually for days after having a meltdown. These vary per person; mine can range from exhibiting as a panic attack over something mild, to hysterical screaming on the floor.
Luckily, while you may well experience me panicking over something, you are very unlikely to witness the more extreme meltdowns, because the things that trigger the extreme ones for me are not common in the theatre or rehearsal room.

And I think that is all. This is in no way a scientific paper and it certainly is not a “one size fits all” because we are different, and it is written from my own experiences - I would love to hear the comments of any other autistic theatre directors who read this.

​Laura